Getting Social When You’re Socially Anxious
You like people. You really do!
But, sometimes, being around people can make you anxious.
You feel clammy, shaky, your heart races. When you’re around a lot of people (especially people you don’t know or you’re somewhere you’ve never been), you’re non-stop thinking about how you look, how you sound, what everyone else MUST be thinking about you (said sarcastically, of course…)
“I don’t know anyone here. Everyone is staring at me. I must look stupid.”
Sound familiar?
You want to get out more. You want to expand your circle. But social anxiety holds you back.
It takes all of your energy to socialize and when you do, you’re filled with constant worry.
Though social anxiety can be overwhelming and for some, all consuming, there are ways to manage it so you can feel more confident in your ability to navigate the social scene.
Try these strategies the next time you find yourself feeling nervous about a group get together:
PREPARE BEFOREHAND
You’ve made plans with a few friends to go to dinner and check out the new 80s/90s themed- lounge that recently opened. You really, really want to go but you’ve never been to the restaurant your friend picked or the new local lounge: “What if I go to the wrong place? What if I walk in and can’t find my friends? What do I do if a stranger tries to talk to me?”
Before you tell your friends you’re not coming, consider preparing yourself prior to the hang out so you can get an idea of how it might be once you are out. For example, taking a drive to visit the restaurant and lounge before you go could help you lessen the burden of the anxiety. This gives you an opportunity to learn how to get to the restaurant and lounge, where to park and how to enter. You might even walk in to either place to get a feel for the ambience and to make sure you’re comfortable.
Preparing in the ways you can before an event can be a great way to help yourself navigate that anxious roller coaster.
BRING A TRUSTED FRIEND
Now let’s say there’s a networking event you want to attend but you don’t know a single soul. It’s really important you attend this event but that anxious monster has shown it’s ugly face again: you’re hyper focused on what you’ll wear, how you’ll look, whether you’ll have anything to say to anyone or if you’ll just be that “lone woman in the corner no one wants to talk to.”
What do you do?
Going to new places or going somewhere you don’t know anyone can be VERY nerve wrecking. A lot of people feel anxious in this type of scenario. But there is something you can do to help yourself feel a little more at ease: you can bring a friend! Consider asking a trusted friend to attend the event with you; someone who understands how you’re feeling so you can be supported throughout. You already feel comfortable with this person so this allows you to not only have someone to interact with, but you may even feel more empowered to converse with those you don’t know!
REMEMBER TO BREATHE
No matter the details of the situation, you always want to remember to breathe! You know how debilitating anxiety can be: keeping a slow, steady breath is crucial to making it through any situation that’s triggering this windfall.
If you notice your breath getting out of sync, try taking a few deep belly breaths to reset. Or you might excuse yourself from the event for a few minutes to take yourself through Calm Place. Whatever strategy you choose, the key is to breathe.
And remember: you will be okay.